Killer Smile

A Story


Hello,” she whispered. “What are you doing here?” She didn’t want to know.

“Same thing as you.” Smart ass. Thief.

“Whatever that is.”

“Oh, you do know, don’t you?”

“Know what?”

“I don’t know.”

“Then why do you ask?”

“Nothing. Everything. Life, death. If you must ask.”

“I’m afraid I’ll have to insist.” Things were getting ugly.

“Oh you must, now, must you.” Why did this have to go on and on? Forever and ever?

She smiled. “What do you really want?”

“Want from what? You? Nothing. The world? Everything I suppose. But, then again, doesn’t everyone?” Finally, a sentence maybe worth listening to. Or not.

“I don’t ask anything of the world. I don’t ask anything from anyone.” Bullshit, she told herself.

“Bullshit.” Now he was telling her too. Wonderful. The maraschino cherry on what had already been quite a shitty day. Now was not the time for people do start calling her bluffs, her sadness under the smiles, under the make up. Now the sleeves were being pulled back, revealing not only the fresh blood, but the scabs that kept being ripped open again, and the scars that would haunt her for years and years to come.

“Why can’t you leave me alone?” Go away. Move away. Travel. Get out of her life for a goddamn twenty seconds, without plopping into her thoughts or plopping right in front of her.

“Why do you want me to?”

“Fuck you.” She tried to glare. She really, honestly, truly did. But, like most other things of recent, she failed.

“Why don’t you stop your bullshit? There you go again.” She wanted to kill him. How dare he? He couldn’t do that. There were rules about these sorts of things. Then again, he’d never had much of a regard for rules. He didn’t even bother to know them, he was a master at breaking them anyway. She wanted to break him. To make him feel guilty. For once. After all of his shit, well she just couldn’t take it. Okay, maybe guilt wouldn’t be realistic, but just to make him feel, anything, to think his own individual thought for once in his insignificant life would be an improvement. She wanted to cry. Why couldn’t she do this? What was wrong with her? She was alone. She reached for her arm.

“Not that shit again. You told me you’d stopped.” He pulled out a cigarette from his back pocket, and a lighter from his jacket.

“You haven’t changed much either.”

“Seasons change. The weather changes. That’s about it.”


“Fuck you too.”


Lemme know what you think.




Yay!  The blog has finally hit 300 views!  Okay, well now it’s at 304, but still.  A cause for celebration, amongst times which are not-so-celebratable (mental note: is that even a word?).

Yesterday, unfortunately, on my run to catch the bus and get on the subway cause I was late to school, I dropped my iPod, and didn’t realize it til I was at 86th street.  So now I have nothing to do on the subway anymore except homework (ew) and staring into space (bleh) and read Attonement, if I ever decide to remember to put it in my backpack in the morning. 

I’ve been forgetting to wake up in the mornings lately, even with my double alarm.  Anyone have any suggestions?

Got a 90 on my math quiz today, and a 95 on my Spanish test.  The latter was great, the former not so much.  I think it’s my lowest grade all year, which is mildly depressing and at the same time not really much to brag about since it would make most people really pissed off.

And that’s all for now, since I have to go downstairs and eat food.  More later.


Wow . . .

It has been a while, too long perhaps.  Since my last update, I’ve gotten 110 on a science test, reinstalled Windows Vista on my shitty laptop, and done nothing in Teen Theatre.  Exciting!

 So yeah, today was cool mainly beacuse of the giant orgy party held in my English classroom after class.  So it wasn’t really an orgy . . . we had a lot of fun anyway.  And my English teacher thinks I’m insane, but I already knew that, so it’s okay.  I love my friends.

Since my last post, I’ve finished a few more books.  I finished Bright Lights, Big City by Jay McInerney, which was really great but soooo anti climactic to the point of finishing the book and going “what the fuck??!!” Book number two:  Extras, by Scott Westerfield.  I stayed up until two in the morning reading this book, and I’m not really sure why.  It wasn’t really addicting, I didn’t care about whether or not I knew how it ended, I just didn’t feel like putting it down.  I think it was one of the better Uglies books, personally (it’s fourth out of four).  I mean, looking at the other three, they’re really the same story, just with different levels to them and with a few new people.  Extras is pretty much different, kind of, I guess.  Now that I think about it, maybe not as much.  Still, it was less obviously the same plot as all the other ones.

Then I saw a lot of movies, and the Oscars.  Okay, maybe like two movies.  Three.  While we were in Puerto Rico I watched Elizabeth I, which was cool I guess.  It was interesting, and Cate Blanchet is alright.  Then we got back and I saw Be Kind, Rewind in theatres.  It was really really weird.  Another anti-climactic thing I’ve seen recently.  There were times when it was sort of laugh out loud funny, and then others where you just looked at it and had to ask yourself if you were missing a joke because there would be long periods where nothing funny happened.  Then I saw Definitely, Maybe the next day after failing to get RENT raffle tickets (yes, it would’ve been my fifth time going, but it was crowded so even with four of us we didn’t really stand a chance).  It was alright, even though Abigail Breslin’s part consists mosty of crying (at least, in those rare moments when she’s actually in the movie).  He ends up with the right people, which is always great.  It was satisfying.  And it was about politics, so the guys I went with to see it didn’t mind it that much.  Yay! 

 Oh yeah, and The Breakfast Club?  Best movie.  Ever.  (Well, almost ever.  Second only to Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.)

Currently reading Atonement by Ian McEwan, and it’s okay.  It gets right to the action, but it’s full of what seems like long, unneccesary discription.  For getting straight to the point, not a lot actually happens, and for having such a great ending, there doesn’t seem to be anything astonishing going on.  Naturally, I’m only in something like the first fifty pages.  Yeah, I know.  I’ll shut up now.

The movie I’m doing with my friends seems to be coming along alright, we’ve supposidly got most of a script, though who knows when I’ll actually get to see it.  I’m really excited, supposidly it’s going to be really really raunchy.

More to come soon, if there’s more to say soon.


Puerto Rico

I haven’t been on in a while, since I’ve been in Puerto Rico.  I still am, I’m just on a computer long enough to post now.  We spent the first few days in a nice hotel in San Juan (me, my mom, dad, and sister).  We did lots of tourist-y things in Old San Juan which was nice.  Now we’re in a more rain-forest-y area with plans to do some trails tomorrow or maybe just hang out at the beach.  Both will be nice.

I got sunburned : ( on my face mostly.  It’s not as bad as the time when I got part of my arm in a sort of hand-print-y shape (though that was pretty funny).  The weather here is beautiful, 80 degrees every day, just the way I wish it was in NYC.  It’s a little bit humid, but the wind cools you down.  Sooo nice, and such a great change from the freezing weather in New York.  I wish I could live someplace that was warm all the time, not half hot and half cold.  Imagine how the world could be, so very fine, so happy together.  Don’t ask why I thought of those lyrics.  I’m such a loser.  Lol.

I finished two books while on vacation: Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (and when I say that, I mean all five books in the series), and Caucasia.  The former was good for the first two books, but after that the books lacked plot.  I kept on going with determination though, and every so often there would be a laugh out loud moment, because Douglas Adams is one of the funniest writers on Earth.  Caucasia was wonderful, right to the very end.  I felt like the end was a bit anti climactic, which was disappointing, but that’s okay.  I didn’t mid too much.  Now I’m just in the middle of Bright Lights, Big City, and I’ll be done with all the books I was reading at the moment, and can move on to something new and hopefully better, probably Scott Westerfield’s Extras, or Ian McEwan’s Attonement (since I refuse to see the movie without reading the book first).  I think I’m gonna start on Extras, since I’ve read a lot of it in assorted bookstores, and will get through it quickly, and then move on to the latter.  After that I think I’m going to try and read Jane Austen’s novels, since I watched Jane Austen’s Book Club on the plane.  Very exciting.

So much to read, so little time, eh?

Anyway, I’d better go, talk later.


Another New Layout

Do you like?  I hope so :D  I like the way it’s organized, even though I think I’d prefer that the colomn be on the right side, since that’s just what I’m used to, but whatever.  I can’t even remember what my original layout was anymore, but oh well.  I’m usually one for change.  I used to change my AIM buddy icon and my font colors every day, but now I just type it in Ariel Narrow size 8 black on white.  And on very rare occasion change my buddy icon (though I still like looking at them, I use Iconator). 

 I’m headed to Puerto Rico tomorrow, which is very exciting.  I haven’t started packing, but going through my summer clothes I found a lot of t-shirts I’d been missing, as well as some of my favorite capris.  I threw out a whole bag of clothes that I’d either never wear or don’t fit me anymore, which was sad because it included some of my favorite pants.  None of the shirts were my favorites though, so that was okay. 

I hung out at my friend’s house, and we watched Across the Universe, which I think is an okay movie, but I don’t like it nearly as much as my friends do.  Even though I think that the blonde guy is the hottest thing ever.  And Jude’s accent is pretty damn sexy.  I’m sure the girls in the house (if any) would agree with me.

I’ve got homework in every class, but a lot of it is extra credit so I suppose that’s okay.  I get back from Puerto Rico on Thursday night, and then I’m leaving for Ski Trip with my Youth Group on Friday and won’t be back until Sunday.  So that’s my whole vacation for you.  I suppose you could call it something special.

Anyway, that’s it for now.  I’ll talk to you all later.


Single’s Awareness Day

Happy Valentine’s day, I guess.  Today was interesting, though I’d rather not go into much detail.  Sorry I haven’t posted in a while.  Shout outs to my Valentines, Seth, Samara, and Lillian.  They were all wonderful. 

I don’t REALLY celebrate Valentine’s Day, this was the first time in a while.  I’ve just been using the holiday as an excuse to get fat over candy hearts and Peeps.  I made a fab layout in Beacon Ink today that I was really proud of.  Me and Seth and Austen took lots of cool pictures together prior to the meeting, and that was a lot of fun.

The movie company I’ve been talking about starting with some friends is really coming together.  We’re hoping to have a first draft of a script by the end of break.  Which, btw, starts in twenty four hours and thirty four minutes.  Exciting.  Tomorrow I’m hanging at my friend’s house and we’re watching Across the Universe, which I haven’t seen since I saw it in theatres.  I’m kinda excited. 

Otherwise, life is normal.  Got 100 on my math test, and I’ve got a math and science test tomorrow.  Wish me luck.


Chocolate is Best Served Hot

Okay, I will be completely honest.  That title has absolutely NOTHING to do with what I’m here to blog about.  Yes, I did just drink a delicious hot chocolate (my favorite hot drink), but there are more important things on the run.

 Tonight = Fountains of Wayne concert!!  I’ve been waiting and waiting for this concert for SO long and I’m REALLY excited.  I’m actually leaving pretty soon to go into the city, it’ll be the first concert to a band that I really really care about (Britney Spears doesn’t count . . . that was second grade).  I know all of their songs and love them to death and listen to them all the time (I’ve had my iPod on shuffle with exclusively them all week). 

Got my report card on Wednesday, I should’ve blogged about that I guess, but I didn’t.  I got all A’s, except for science.  Asshole gave me a B.  He’s been absent both yesterday and today, so I’ll yell at him on Monday for not giving me the A grade I so deserved (I mean, let’s face it, I got 100 on my final, and my friend got an 89.  She got the A, I didn’t.  I believe something is VERY wrong here). 

Anyway, enough with the smart-person rant.  I hate not being able to complain about my B’s just cause most people are sitting around complaining about C’s, so I try to avoid doing it but often can’t help myself.

Alright, so it’s the next day . . . aka it’s now the 9th instead of the 8th.  I had to leave but I wasn’t done with the post so I saved it and am now coming back to it.  Fountains of Wayne was AMAZING.  They were really good live and played most of my favorite songs.  I was really proud of myself too, I knew almost all the words to every single song.  Exciting.  Me and my sister were standing way up close and it was a lot of fun.  Kinda loud, but they were still great.  How’s that for amazing concert experience? 

And am I the only one who’s really kinda sad that Panic! at the Disco removed their ! ?  Now they’re just Panic at the Disco.  How boring.  I feel like I can’t actually like them anymore (not that I really loved them in the first place . . . I really only liked “Lying is the Most Fun a Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off”).  Oh well.  Moving on.

So I’ve got a big project on this guy Aime Cesaire due on Tuesday, and it’s kinda cool.  He’s a really interesting guy, born in Martinique (a French Caribbean colony) and given a good education, he was against colonization and believed that colonies should be given independence from their Western colonizers, and create their own individual culture (ie: not Western), but continue to take advantage of Western technology in order to maintain a pleasant quality of life.  Man, this guy actually makes sense in his demands.  Check him out.

Anyway, should probably run, dad just walked in and I’m supposed to be doing homework.


Today, Tomorrow, and a Surprising Lack of Yesterday

Greetings guys, at least, the very limited number of you who read this blog.  Today was cool.  First and foremost, I’d like to give a shout out to Seth, who is now officially 16 as of today.  I wish he’d go online so we could talk, but some things are too much to hope for. 

Today is also Mardi Graw (I KNOW I spelt that wrong, so people who celebrate it please forgive me . . . I don’t celebrate it).  I don’t know that many people who were wrapped up in it here, at least no one was like usual, both because of the super Super Bowl (GO GIANTS) and super Tuesday.  I have no opinion in the polls, though I’m democratic.  A lot of my friends are really into it though.  In honor of the Superness of Tuesday, we’re doing a mock debate between the four front-running candidates:  Romney (my team), Clinton, Obama, and McCain.  It should be interesting, especially when our only resource on the candidate (besides what we already know), is from Wikipedia and reads, “For example, Democratic U.S. Representative Barney Frank of Massachusetts once said, “The real Romney is clearly an extraordinarily ambitious man with no perceivable political principle whatsoever. He is the most intellectually dishonest human being in the history of politics,” to which a Romney spokesman replied that ‘We’ve never really paid much attention to what Barney Frank is saying, and we see no reason to start now.’ ”  Very helpful, right?  Haha . . . yeah.

So today I did lots more community service hours.  We’ve finally got scripts in Teen Theatre (I did mention that I’ve got the role of Auntie Em, right?).  I just have to bring in the 20 dollar diposit tomorrow.  Hopefully I’ll remember.

So life is, yet again, disappointing.  I tried on my old retainer and it didn’t fit, like, at all, which means that I need to wear it like every night to get my teeth back into normal shape.  Which is like blehhhh but whatever.  I have a lot of homework to do and I don’t really want to do it. 

Recently I’ve been really mad at a lot of people, not because they suck or have done mean shit to me (or maybe they have, indirectly or accidentaly), but because they’re really ignorant.  I’m not say I’m not, cause God knows I never pay attention to anything going on around me, but there are certain people who you kinda want to just yell at and say, “look, this is what you’re doing, and this is why you’re doing it, and this is what it’s caused, and you’d better stop doing it now because it’s fucking everything up and I know you don’t mean to do it and I hate being the one to tell you but you’re being an asshole”.  And who isn’t being an asshole cause of their ignorance, really?  I feel like yelling this at many people because no one seems to listen to me anymore, at least not the people who used to listen.  I hate it when people like to think they’re exceptions to some rules when they really aren’t.  Like, if you’re going to insist on telling your friends every detail of your fabulous weekend party, you sure as hell better pretend to listen when they tell you shit about their shitty weekend, because otherwise THEY FEEL LIKE SHIT. 

 *end rant*  I should go.  Really.



Wow.  This is kinda crazy.  So I’ve been having slow days with this thing, you know, 2 views here, 0 views for a few days.  Maybe if I write a few posts about something semi-popular or post the name of the site on other webpages I’ll shoot up to 6 or 10 for a day or so . . . but 42 views in one day?  Unheard of. 

I have my theories, of course.  My posting on the ImprovEverywhere site has boosted it a bit, but I think the 42 comes from a massive refresh by my dear friend Theresa (thanks for your comment, consider this your shoutout of gratuity).  We thought it didn’t work, babe, but boy did it.  I think.  Or else something has happened, and I’m digging it.  Keep it coming.  I wish if only the comments would measure up . . . but oh well. 

Thanks guys, whether or not this was one of you, it really means a lot to me.  I’m now at something like 201 views, so this is coming a bit late, but that’s okay.  Yipee.


More Things Life-Related

So I haven’t posted in a while, mostly because there hasn’t been anything interesting enough to post.  Interestingly enough, this blog has gotten a lot of hits (relative to what it normally gets) cause I commented with it as my URL on ImprovEverywhere’s latest mission.  Very fun.

So LOST premiered on Thursday, and yes I do enjoy the show a lot (come on, we all know that Charlie and Sawyer are the hottest actors on TV, and I met the guy who plays Carl and he’s really cool), but I haven’t watched it since they took that break in the third season.  Therefore, naturally, I have no idea what’s going on anymore.  Which is unfortunate, and since my family is a proud owner of the 3rd season DVD collection, I should catch up.  Just haven’t gotten around to it yet :/  I will at some point though, promise.  I miss normal television : (

 In other notes, I went to my first Sweet Sixteen yesterday.  There was a movie and it was  a lot of fun.  I think I scared a lot of people cause I can’t talk correctly.  Goes to show how much I need a day of silence (besides the one that everyone does for LGBT).  I talk way too much and use way too many words.  Anyway, we watched this movie, As You Like It (yes, it’s an adaptation of Shakespeare’s play).  It was very good, pretty funny, quite enjoyable.  Yay.  The cake was AMAZING, but then again, her cakes usually are. 

I’ve done my math and my science homework, so right now I feel very accomplished.  Now I only have English, Spanish, and Health homework to go and I’ll be set for Monday.  I know, who gives health homework?  It’s ridiculous.  But whatever, it’s quite easy.  We’re starting Caucasia in English class, which is cool.  I’m looking forward to reading it, and it’s supposed to be really good.  Well I’m on page 12 now, and it’s pretty good, so I just hope it stays good. 

Jew school tomorrow, which should be fun I hope.  Ski trip is in something like three weeks and I’m sooooo excited, even though I’m pretty sure I will SUCK at skiing.  I will let you know if I break something, which I probably will.  It will be my first broken bone ever.  Exciting. 

Now that I’ve taken the PSAT I’ve been getting all of the emails from colleges, asking me to go there.  It’s really kind of upsetting.  A lot of them are catholic colleges, and not only do I not consider myself Catholic, but I really would rather go to a secular school.  I got an email from Brown, which made me happy cause Brown is pretty much the only Eastern school I want to apply to right now.  I’ve gotten a lot of schools in Maryland and just got UVM.  I’m glad that NYU sent me something, even though I have NO interest in going there (I mean, come on, my mom works in their grad program.  No interest.)

Anyway, I suppose that’s all for today.  Keep reading, and someone please comment, I like comments!!!


 Oh, and an edit:  Happy February : )